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E Commerce businesses: A guide on which customers to blacklist

Updated: Jan 4, 2020

Obviously any profit-oriented enterprise seeks to maximize its bottom line; for those whose bread and butter occur in the immediate online marketplace, the revenue size achieved is directly correlated to both volume and weight of transactions performed, factors which in turn are contingent on purchasing traffic. The more customers the merrier then, you say? Largely so, minus a very small group of folks you are better off avoiding at all costs. These shoppers from hell will cause you an indescribable amount of mental anguish, stress and frustration courtesy of themselves kicking up a shitstorm over nothing, or throwing a hissy fit just because its.......Monday. Cue: crazy, ridiculous requests, threats to rain fire on your certified "unaccommodating" (by them of course) ass. Why end up being severely constipated in the mood department as a consequence of having to endure such unnecessary bollocks?

So yes indeed, prevention is way better than cure, its better to be safe than sorry...........yada yada yada. Here is a laundry list compiled to assist you, the merchant, in learning how to sniff out them minions of Satan and banish them to the deepest reaches of your blacklist. Pay real good attention, because it could contribute significantly towards averting a potentially nasty disaster; who knows it might even save your life.

Spotting a possibly abusive or problematic online customer:

1. He/she can't be bothered to properly process aka read the information put out for his/her benefit, which means disclaimers and whatnot supplied are simply ignored through and through. When shit hits the fan, he/she will return in a flash and scorch the very ground you exist on. That means unwarranted complaints, barking in your face till you issue a full refund or offer a replacement.

2. He/she is a member of club anal-retentive. Makes inquiries about every single damn thing, perhaps even ask why the sky is blue. Get ready to be skewered big time if he/she uncovers the slightest, tiniest disparity in product quality.

3. He/she who struts around with an unmistakable stench of arrogance, head lifted too high and thumbs his/her nose at anything and everything in sight. Piercing, aggressive demands laid out will have you swallowing humble pies till you choke.

4. He/she denies responsibility for a mistake committed on his/her part during the ordering process, yet will not let the matter rest till a refund is issued to his/her satisfaction.

5. Greedy individuals cursed with the gift of nitpicking, insisting upon being compensated with free pressies for every imperfection unveiled within product or service delivered.

6. He/she is a complete nutjob with a fetish for warranties, badgering your ass for 1000000% protection and still feeling somewhat vulnerable despite things being completely five by five.

Moral of the story: It's so not worth being put on a leash just to earn a bit more moolah - think dignity yo. Capisce amigo?

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