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Man earning $12.5K/month feeling depressed and stressed over having to live paycheck to paycheck

Updated: Mar 3

I am in my early 30s this year, I work in the fast paced tech industry and make around 150k per annum. Compared to peers from school, I'm faring reasonably well given my role and scope, though that's still deemed to be on the lower spectrum of the payscale.

On the outside, both friends and family assume that I'm flying high but the truth is, I'm terribly miserable. I put in extremely long hours and the stress is suffocating to say the least. Deadline after deadline, meeting after meeting.....they never seem to end! My blood pressure has went up significantly over the last 2 years to the point my doctor even suggested I either quit altogether or at least go on a long vacation, both of which are impossible for me.

Sometimes I really envy them folks who can put in a day's worth of work and simply switch off thereafter because his/her job does not revolve around incessant projects, timelines, and management updates. I did ponder over switching to a more relaxed role, however I am already in too deep - also, any other such related role is most likely going to entail similar responsibilities.

At present, I live from paycheck to paycheck with minimal savings as there are a ton of things to pay for such as loans, home related bills, insurance, medical bills, rising costs of food, renewal of appliances etc.

Many a time I have contemplated suicide, but the thought of just leaving my aged parents and fiance behind seems very irresponsible, consequently I could never follow through. I'm pretty certain I am borderline depressed, yet I can't voice this out to people around me as I am often seen as the go-to guy should they encounter any difficulties whether financially or emotionally. Anyways I have neither the luxury of time nor extra cash on the side to consult a psychiatrist. Besides, in the event I am officially diagnosed with some mental disorder, might my career prospects be severely stunted thereafter?

I feel so tired and at a total loss!

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