He was the perfect boyfriend before marriage. Very caring, sensitive. Would rush to pay for our meals. We talked a lot. He seemed to understand me very well. He opined that a man ought to be both he head of a household as well as disciplinarian. I wanted to break up with him on a few occasions, however he would wait below my flat at 6am to plead with me not to. He would appear very broken-hearted when I initiated breaking off.

I didn’t know that such actions were what they call “love bombing” aka “gaslighting”, or put it simply psychological manipulation. I had a few other suitors back then, so I guess he probably wanted to “triumph" over them.

Right after marriage, he became a totally different person. Zero talk. Zero communication. Kept telling me he had no money. Did zero housework. When I had enough of his stealing (of my hard-earned money) and lies and wanted to divorce, he cried and begged for forgiveness. It took me many years of resignation before I finally decided that if I didn’t want to die as his wife, I’d better divorce while I still could.

Just because I met a scammer/narcissist does not mean all men are like him. Most of my friends and sisters are happily married with sound-minded husbands. I can only say I made the wrong choice and didn’t cut my losses by leaving early.

I have lived my whole life for my kids. Now that they are older, I actually feel that I get to live for myself for once. I also get to keep whatever I earn, without having to worry a man would come and surreptitiously nick dollars from my bag or drawer.

Frankly, I think kids are overrated. lol. Kids are nice but they are very expensive. And they may not turn out the way you want them to, unless you are Sherry Tan who could spend 23 years as a taitai nurturing them.

It’s hard to answer the question “if you could choose again, would you marry and have kids?” I think when people say “I wouldn’t marry if I have a choice again”, they actually meant “I wouldn’t marry the same person and have his kids”. I have witnessed enough happy marriages to believe that a happy marriage is possible - but the man must be a decent person, like duh right? LOL

Sorry for the wall of text, however too many folks judge me for my failed marriage. They think I married a scammer knowing he’s already lazy, irresponsible and kept asking me for money. A scammer is what he is. A scammer. And it’s no fault of mine if I was tricked.