It has been a tough time for me after failing in my business venture 3 years back and having landed myself in about 300k worth of debt to banks, suppliers, contractors and relatives.
Being your own boss is tough and often lonely. I started out on my own when I was 31 and had no proper mentors to guide /nurture me. Nobody really cares how crazy your life could get. Most folks naively reckon that being a boss means having plenty of personal time and financial freedom.
Eventually I plucked up the courage to cut my losses and return to being a salaried worker to service my debts. All this while I faced everything by myself with no support whatsoever. Even my loved ones could not understand why my debts were so complicated and just can't seem to lessen despite my regular repayments.
I'm often left with a few hundred dollars for food and transport. I can't afford to go on overseas holidays ; I also couldn't bring my family out for a decent meal at a zi char stall.
When my parents quizzed me about the outstanding sums owed and when I would able to pay back this auntie or that uncle in full, I was completely at a loss with no definitive answers.
Back in my mind I thought to myself, I never once splurged on any items of extreme luxury, neither do I risk my monies on 4D betting or Toto purchases; in fact I religiously transfer almost my entire paycheck received each month to the respective accounts of my creditors.
Although these tough times really moulded me into a much more mature and intelligent being, (at least I believe this is how both my new employer and colleagues perceive myself) I really do not know when I would be able to start on an entirely clean slate.
I kept reminding myself to remain composed and not get emotionally affected by nasty comments from my loved ones. They probably thought I had secretly stashed away some cash and thus could not expeditiously repay relatives who had assisted me financially.
I received numerous letters of demand from law firms; a couple of debt collectors even showed up at my doorstep. So much so I somewhat became numb to the incessant badgering- not quite normal for any person to actually feel this way wouldn't you say? Then again things still had to be dealt with. Paid up a bit, employed delay tactics on occasion, or simply do whatever I could to spare a few hundred bucks for food and regular household expenditure.
I am penning this in the hope that it could help eliminate the negative energies lingering within my system for the past few weeks. I have been living very frugally for the past 8 years, including the stretch when my company went belly up. Honestly I have no clue when I would be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not in the next few years at least based on my most pragmatic of calculations.
For those who have endured my rambling all along from the beginning, thank you for your time and attention.